So much to say and I have no idea where to start.
As I write this, it’s a weekend evening and I’m relaxing by myself on my boyfriend’s boat where I currently live, with a glass of wine and no agenda. No agenda for tonight, tomorrow, the next day. And I feel a crowdedness and a yearning. And I realize, I have not been writing and blogging the way that I used to. I started this website and blog when I first moved to Hawaii in 2011. And there was so much inspiration and flowing creativity and passion – I HAD to write. And I shared it freely with anyone who wanted to read it, without fear of judgment or rejection.
Now, I feel some of that inspiration is lacking. It’s easy to blame my surroundings. But as I am forced to learn again and again, everything is always within. You can be in paradise, i.e. Hawaii, or you can be in a prison cell, and everything is still within. Our minds make us think that we have to look for our happiness, love, sanity, completeness on the outside, but that’s actually the opposite of the truth. All is within.
Back to why I started writing this blog post in the first place – I just have not been writing at all. And I consider writing one of my main passions in life.
I just finished writing something in my journal – which has also been a rarity – because I felt like I was going to explode with fiery, overflowing energy. I had to do something, I had to express something, I had to release something – so I wrote.
Well – I ran, then ate a healthy dinner and a decadent dessert, then I painted my nails, drank a glass of wine and put off writing as much as I could.
And then finally I wrote. And in writing, I realized something important. I’ve been holding back so much. In all areas of life. In relationships. In writing. In creating. In goals. In career. In everything.
Maybe I’ve gotten lost too much in my head, too far away, too disconnected from my heart. Too afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of what I put out there, what I could lose, what people will think, those kinds of things.
Instead of worrying about if I’m writing too much, if I’m getting too personal, if I’m breaking too many rules, if I’m letting too many people in, if people will like what I say or not, if I’m not being professional, why not just be raw, be real, be true, be human, be vulnerable? That’s why I started this blog in the first place, right? Beyoutifulliving!? Be you. Live fully. And that’s what I shall do.
I’ll write my heart out.
And these words are for me as much as they are for you:
Why not abandon all worries and cautions? Why not just GO FOR IT?
This is it. This is life. Soon it’ll be done.
Really, let go.
Feel what it means to let go. I mean, let go of your grip and your grasp and the lid that’s screwed on so tightly. Let go of what you fear to lose. Let what’s bound up inside, dying to be truly, authentically, wildly released, be freed.
Let yourself be liberated. Whatever that means in this moment. Let go of all rules. Let go of all thoughts telling you no. Be 100,000% you, whatever form that takes in this immediate, unique moment.
Abandon caution. Abandon reservations. Abandon inhibitions.
Even if just for the moment, feel, really feel, what it feels like to be without any cares, to be free, to be wild, to be alive.
Abandon fear. Abandon perfection. Retain YOU. In whatever state you may be in. YOU. YOU. YOU.
That’s absolutely enough. You are absolutely enough. Fuck any other thought saying, screaming, insisting that you are not. You are enough. There is no greater truth.
Whatever you fear, just go for it. Move into love. Return to LOVE. That’s where we all resided, before our experiences, our minds started telling us we needed to be afraid.
There is really nothing to lose. If you take risks, if you face fear, if you focus on love, without worry, without holding back, even if you lose, even if you make mistakes, even if you fail, even if your heart gets broken open, it’s better than staying stuck.
This is LIFE, and we’re all breathing, we’re all moving, we’re all getting closer to the end and we need to LIVE IT.
So what if you fail? So what if you fuck up? So what if you break open?
Grow. Expand. Wake up. Be alive. Be free. Love. Life is much better awake and alive and in touch with your heart. Don’t be deadened and asleep and in fear. This life and all that is experienced while we are here is for waking us up, bringing us back home, bringing us back to wholeness, bringing us back to love.
Go for it.
Open arms. Open heart.
Move toward love.
There’s nothing to lose.
Go for it.